Slipping Through My Fingers

It's 9:30 on Sunday night and tomorrow both my boys will be going to school. All day. I remember one mom telling me years ago that it's not hard when your first one goes to school all day, it's hard when your last one goes to school all day. And I know I only have two kids so that time came a lot faster for me than it would for someone with more kids but to be honest I thought she was crazy! At the time I had two small children and the day both mine were in school seemed like a right of passage as a mother I would never see. But it's here and even to my surprise I'm crying! Don't get me wrong I am excited about some things! I am excited to be able to mow the lawn without feeling guilty about my two boys being bored inside. I'm excited to go to the grocery store without having my kids ask me for something every few minutes. I'm excited to shower in peace and cut up veggies to stick in the crock pot without salving fights. But I'm also so sad! Sad because it means they're growing up.

Goodness, they're handsome!

And I know that's a good thing but tonight it's making me cry! Making me cry that they'll be away from home for 7 hours a day. Away from the comfort of a home where we play together, cook and eat together, make crafts together, where we ride scooters and bikes together, where we read scriptures and where we pray, where we fight and say we're sorry, where we give hugs and tell them how much we love them! Where they're safe!

Our house on a cold winters day before we even moved in. Before it became our home. 

Oh how I pray that they can keep that love with them! That it's enough to carry them through their days. That when someone is being unkind to them or when they're having a hard day that they can always know how much I love them and that will be enough! Because I know there have been times when my Heavenly Fathers love is what carried me through my days and until they can understand that for themselves I pray those precious little boys can feel inside how very much I love them! Driving back from Austin this week was when it hit. I felt like I was driving back to end the summer and send them off and I began to cry and then the song Slipping Through My Fingers came on and then I really sobbed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi7OXmTmgGg

In case you don't want to watch the you tube video here's the lyrics to the song

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning 
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile 
I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadness 
And I have to sit down for a while 
The feeling that I'm losing her forever 
And without really entering her world 
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter 
That funny little girl 

Slipping through my fingers all the time 
I try to capture every minute 
The feeling in it 
Slipping through my fingers all the time 
Do I really see what's in her mind 
Each time I think I'm close to knowing 
She keeps on growing 
Slipping through my fingers all the time 

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table 
Barely awake I let precious time go by 
Then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling 
And a sense of guilt I can't deny 
What happened to the wonderful adventures 
The places I had planned for us to go 
Well, some of that we did, but most we didn't 
And why, I just don't know 

Slipping through my fingers all the time 
I try to capture every minute 
The feeling in it 
Slipping through my fingers all the time 
Do I really see what's in her mind 
Each time I think I'm close to knowing 
She keeps on growing 
Slipping through my fingers all the time 

The line about "do I really know what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing she keeps on growing" is what really got to me. Just when I felt like I knew how to do the baby phase and be that mom they grew up to be toddlers.

The boys in the baby phase

Once I got the toddler phase down they grew a little older. Now they're boys and I can't be the same mom I was two years ago.

The boys in the "a little older" phase. Look at the mischief these two could cause! 

I can't hold Caleb's hand or pick him up when there are people he knows around. We're now listening to One Direction instead of Wee Willy Winky Running Through The Town. We have talks about how boys and girls bodies are different & how babies are made instead of the cool tractors on the side of the road. Tonight I do feel like each time I get to knowing they just keep on growing! But with each new age I will always love you Austin and Caleb! So very very much! Please remember that while you're at school and know that I will be praying for you to come back home safely each and every day!